I had increasing pain, but did not call in sick to the new hospital job because I am new and am trying to be dependable and consistent. It did not matter that I was reducing my hours of physical exercise and icing and elevating my legs. I even purchased a hospital-style bed with ZERO GRAVITY option. This helps my back pain for about half the night. I get up to pee in the wee hours of the morning. My husband enters the bedroom and makes the bed flat again in the middle of the night. Then he's able to sleep on his side. I sleep in ZERO GRAVITY, like an astronaut, on my back. The flattening of the bed makes my lower back curve naturally, and then pain ensues again. I also have severe leg cramps.
I went for an MRI, and found out that I have severe spinal stenosis between L4 and L5,, a squeezing of the canal which holds the spinal cord. This is most likely from the disc that broke last year and is now bulging, pressing upon the nerve that controls the left side of my body. Sounds familiar, but hopefully the disc does not break open again. I took prednisone steroid pills for 12 days and the discomfort reduced. As soon as I stopped the medication round, the discomfort went up again.
I am transitioning from my hotel-provided insurance to the new job insurance from the hospital. It is quite difficult to manage the new system. I am waiting on appointments for an epidural, which I pray will reduce the inflammation for at least a few months. This chronic pain is definitely creating a softer, more compassionate employee for my patients. I also have to transition into a new KJ, a KJ who doesn't exercise daily, rests a lot, ices her back, and is physically softer. I am divorcing the old me and this is to be able to live with less pain. I want to live a longer and healthier life with fewer impending surgeries in the years to come.
I have taught movement since 1979, and being a physical person has defined me and shaped my identity. This is very difficult, emotionally. My ego is shot down as well. I must be a softer and more loving person to myself in many ways. I must love myself into a better existence. This is the advice I give daily at the end of the yoga classes I teach. I must take a dose of my own medicine.
Thank you for reading,
KJ Landis