There is something wonderfully unexpected about becoming the aunt or uncle of an adult niece or nephew. When they were little, we were the people who spoiled them a little, slipped them an extra cookie, took them on adventures, and sent them home when the bedtime drama began. But somewhere along the way, something changes. They grow up, and suddenly these kids we once watched toddle around the living room have become grown adults with careers, opinions, relationships, and lives of their own. And somehow, they can still make us laugh in a way that only family can. Research suggests these relationships can be much more significant than we sometimes realize. A 2024 Pew Research Center survey found that among adults 50 and older without children who have nieces or nephews, 69% say they feel close to at least one of them. Among women, that number rises to 74%. (Pew Research Center)
I like to think of nieces and nephews as our second-tier support system—and I mean that in the best possible way. They may not be the first people we call when the washing machine explodes or when we need someone to help us navigate a doctor's appointment, but they can become an entirely different kind of support. They bring a younger perspective, fresh energy, and sometimes a brutally honest opinion we didn't ask for but probably needed. They remind us that the world keeps changing, that technology has apparently decided to make everything complicated, and that there are still people who know what the heck TikTok is. And this extended-family support can become particularly meaningful as our traditional support systems change. A National Institute on Aging-supported review published in 2025 found that intergenerational relationships frequently provide support to older adults before and alongside more intensive caregiving. (PubMed)
As we age, our circles naturally evolve. Our parents are no longer here to guide us, our children may be busy raising families of their own, and some friendships become less frequent simply because life takes people in different directions. Nieces and nephews can quietly fill some of those spaces. They may send a random text that says, "Thinking about you," call to check in, invite us to dinner, or share a ridiculous family story that instantly transports us back twenty years. And sometimes the support becomes practical. Research using the National Health and Aging Trends Study found that about 4% of older adults received help with everyday activities from extended family members such as siblings, nieces, or nephews. That may sound like a small percentage, but it illustrates something important: caregiving isn't always a parent-child job. Extended family members can step in when life requires it. (OUP Academic)
And perhaps that's the greatest joy of all. Nieces and nephews give us the opportunity to experience family without always being fully responsible for it. We can love them, encourage them, cheer for them, listen to them, and occasionally offer wisdom when they actually ask for it. In return, they keep us connected to the future while we share with them a little of the past. Research on adults 70 and older also shows that the quality and strength of family connections matter for mental health and social activity, not simply whether someone technically has family members. (PubMed Central (PMC)) So maybe we should stop thinking of nieces and nephews as the "next tier" of family and start thinking of them as part of the beautiful web that keeps us connected. They aren't a replacement for our closest friendships, partners, siblings, or children. They're something different—a second tier of belonging, a bridge between generations, and sometimes the unexpected person who reminds us that we are still very much needed, loved, and part of the family story.
Blessings,
KJ Landis
@superiorself on Instagram and X
@SuperiorSelf channel on YouTube
@superiorselfwithkjlandis on TikTok
[email protected]
Books available everywhere!
I like to think of nieces and nephews as our second-tier support system—and I mean that in the best possible way. They may not be the first people we call when the washing machine explodes or when we need someone to help us navigate a doctor's appointment, but they can become an entirely different kind of support. They bring a younger perspective, fresh energy, and sometimes a brutally honest opinion we didn't ask for but probably needed. They remind us that the world keeps changing, that technology has apparently decided to make everything complicated, and that there are still people who know what the heck TikTok is. And this extended-family support can become particularly meaningful as our traditional support systems change. A National Institute on Aging-supported review published in 2025 found that intergenerational relationships frequently provide support to older adults before and alongside more intensive caregiving. (PubMed)
As we age, our circles naturally evolve. Our parents are no longer here to guide us, our children may be busy raising families of their own, and some friendships become less frequent simply because life takes people in different directions. Nieces and nephews can quietly fill some of those spaces. They may send a random text that says, "Thinking about you," call to check in, invite us to dinner, or share a ridiculous family story that instantly transports us back twenty years. And sometimes the support becomes practical. Research using the National Health and Aging Trends Study found that about 4% of older adults received help with everyday activities from extended family members such as siblings, nieces, or nephews. That may sound like a small percentage, but it illustrates something important: caregiving isn't always a parent-child job. Extended family members can step in when life requires it. (OUP Academic)
And perhaps that's the greatest joy of all. Nieces and nephews give us the opportunity to experience family without always being fully responsible for it. We can love them, encourage them, cheer for them, listen to them, and occasionally offer wisdom when they actually ask for it. In return, they keep us connected to the future while we share with them a little of the past. Research on adults 70 and older also shows that the quality and strength of family connections matter for mental health and social activity, not simply whether someone technically has family members. (PubMed Central (PMC)) So maybe we should stop thinking of nieces and nephews as the "next tier" of family and start thinking of them as part of the beautiful web that keeps us connected. They aren't a replacement for our closest friendships, partners, siblings, or children. They're something different—a second tier of belonging, a bridge between generations, and sometimes the unexpected person who reminds us that we are still very much needed, loved, and part of the family story.
Blessings,
KJ Landis
@superiorself on Instagram and X
@SuperiorSelf channel on YouTube
@superiorselfwithkjlandis on TikTok
[email protected]
Books available everywhere!
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