Unfortunately, being kind to our most beloved ones may be the most difficult at times because we and they know how to trigger us, push our buttons, so to speak. We also tend to take them for granted as well. we can shift though. It takes putting some attention upon our intention.
First of all, I suggest communicating with our loved ones. when things do not feel right, we sense it. So ask how we and they want to be treated or spoken to. Do not assume, it makes a ASS out of U and ME. Yes, this takes effort and a sense of humility. Second, we can empathize with our loved ones. Put ourselves in their shoes, emotionally. Relate their experiences to our similar ones, before spitting out advice or feeling like we know what they are going to say or feel because we have already been there. Sometimes older folks diminish the younger loved ones' feelings and thought around experiences because we have the time and space in our box of memories. Empathy means we can hold space for others to feel what they are feeling without judgement. Third, I say we should set some boundaries about what is okay or not okay to say or share. Can we share in a non-emotional manner? When I, you, or the others cross the line, feel free to ask for a time out or ask for space, literally and figuratively. Finally, let go of the idea that being nice "fixes" things. We have to fix things for ourselves and so do our loved ones. Yes, we have a circle of love and support, but ultimately we can be nice without fixing things for others. Do not render ourselves or others as helpless. Sometimes being "fake" nice can lead to false emotions and non truths all around, hurting the relationships more than helping.
Being kind consistently means we can be loving in a transformative manner, rather than a transactional manner. Release the gulit trips of our pasts, as they do not feed or fuel our higher purpose here on this planet.